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We’ve all had bollockings, kickings, tellings-off; no matter what you call them, they are not particularly pleasant. Sometimes, though, giving them can be even worse.
If you manage staff, there will come a time when you will have to dish out a reprimand. It’s just the way it is. But how do you actually go about it?
In researching this article, I asked a friend about the worst bollocking he had ever received. Looking thoughtful for a moment (before a big grin erupted on his face), he said “Oh, definitely the biggest one was when I got caught shagging in the office!” Fantastic material! I was immediately engulfed in the laddish moment that had obviously been told with great vigour over the years. “Well, the shagging incident wasn’t really the harsh bit of the bollocking – the shouting really started when they found out it was during work hours.”
While the tendency might be to root (so to speak) for the young, frisky buck. What if you’re the boss? What do you do?
Different situations demand hugely differing responses. So how can you make sure you’re not seen as the boss from hell but rather, the great coach whose understanding drives success and respect?
Here are a few steps that will help out.
Get all the facts.
When someone is in trouble, people will fall over themselves to tell you what "exactly" happened. There will not be one person who has one definitive version but by asking a few people, you’ll get pretty close. It’s also worth enlisting colleagues to ask on your behalf. Remember, the more you are sure that you know what actually happened, the more confident you will be when you are confronting each other. This will stop you losing your nerve and simply backing out. Believe me, if any boss says they’ve never done this, they’d be lying. We’ve not only backed out of confrontations but also lost lots of sleep over them. It’s no crime being slightly afraid. However, with the facts in hand, your sense of right will be bolstered and your courage underlined. It is much, much worse to walk away.
Ease the setting.
Much of what you discuss is private – make sure your setting is such. Many people advocate a crowded café or somewhere with lots of people. This is very much personal taste but you are really looking for a venue that you can both confidently air your sides of the tale. Try not to put a desk or any barrier between you – psychologically, this leaves you both more open and means the urge for a confrontation will be avoided.
Manage the silence.
This is much more a meeting about listening than talking. In tense situations, our instinct is to talk – it makes life easier. This is one situation where you are truly in control, so you must manage the silence. In doing this, you will naturally illicit answers. A person talking about their mistake will help their healing process. Actually saying out loud the reason why something happened is highly therapeutic – just ask any good psychiatrist, who more than likely earns double your salary.
Are they a good employee?
People make mistakes. In many cases, mistakes are good as we learn from them. If a good employee has made a biggie, it is also good to look at the wider picture. How happy are they in their current position; is everything okay at home? Remember, with good employees, no one will punish them more than themselves – they’ll be silently (or not so silently) berating themselves for weeks.
A repeat offender
Much more tricky. Again, hear them out but it’s likely you’ll be hearing the same old lines, which are slightly above “the dog ate my homework.” The biggest problem with repeat offenders is that they have little self-awareness. They fail to perceive themselves as others do and as such, lack the emotional empathy to understand the ramifications of their actions. We’ve all come across them – utter sociopaths who couldn’t give a shit about their fellow workers. The biggest question to ask outright here is, "What do you want from work?” You need to find out what people actually want from life, if they want some form of success. Tell them outright that this course of action is destroying any chance of that.
Remember to manage the silence. Don’t make answering easy.
Above all, keep your composure.
In reality, it’s very wrong to call it a bollocking, which in fact, is a term derived from a dagger used from 13th to 19th century England (not that other thing). You are attempting to help the person see the consequences of their actions you are counselling. Don’t get me wrong – there are times that are black and white and unfortunately necessitate the Tony Montana tirade but stop and think. Your job is to illustrate the error of their ways via their own admission. Is using behaviour you yourself would frown upon really going to help? Indeed, is it going to consolidate your position as a leader in the organisation long-term? Look what happened to Tony.
The best advice – from an unlikely source.
When I was nine years old, I remember staring out the window, waiting for my father to return from parent-teacher evening, knowing full-well I was in for the kicking of my life. I blathered in high-speed, giving pre-emptive excuses through which my Dad just waited and waited before quietly saying, “Just take the bollocking son, just take the bollocking.” And ultimately, this is the point. Whether you are giving or on the receiving end, be prepared to listen and think carefully about your responses.
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